• Incorporated into the April 11-12, 2009 program

The Pittsburgh Steelers, the only team to win 6 super bowl championships, will soon be losing half of those trophies. After a meeting with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, the President announced that he will redistribute half of the Steelers’ Super Bowl victories to less fortunate teams.

“We live everyday in the country that invented the Super Bowl,” said President Obama. “We are not about to lose this Great American tradition in the wake of these difficult times.” Obama’s plan calls for the Steelers, who are a successful NFL team, to give half of their Super Bowl trophies to teams that are less fortunate. Obama believes that “the Detroit Lions are just as much a part of the NFL as the Pittsburgh Steelers, and they are entitled to a Super Bowl Trophy as well.”

The Pittsburgh Steelers, who by virtue of hard work, excellent team play, stellar draft choices, the responsible investing of free agents, careful hiring of coaches, excellent community service and commitment to their fans, have prospered greatly during the past 30 years and have won six Super Bowl Trophies. President Obama’s plan calls for the Pittsburgh Steelers to carry the burden of the NFL’s less successful teams. Offering an explanation for his decision, Obama states that, “during these difficult times we must all work together to reclaim the NFL Championship Dream for every team, for every city, and for every fan. We must abandon the failed “lasses-faire” policies of the past in order to return equitable competition and responsible success back to the NFL.”

Obama assures that his plan “will not affect 31 of the 32 teams in the league. Over 95 percent of the teams in the NFL will not have to worry about losing any Super Bowl Trophies under my plan. But the worst teams in the NFL—the teams that can’t seem to get a break and win a championship—will experience an immediate infusion of titles and an instant change in status. We are a country of hope and we all need to make sacrifices. It does not matter what the color of your uniform is, how many responsible decisions your team has made, or what their performance record is. My plan to redistribute some of the Steelers’ trophies guarantees that the NFL dream of winning the championship will be kept alive during a time when most teams are suffering defeat.

Obama outlines the details of his plan, giving the Super Bowl XLIII (43) trophy to the Detroit Lions, who through no fault of their own could not manage a single victory all season. This trophy will help ease the pain of their 0-16 record and once again give them hope.

The Super Bowl XL (40) trophy will go to the Steelers’ largest division rival, the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals have never won a Super Bowl title and this victory will bring a smile to the hundreds of Bengal fans all over the world and give them a reason to celebrate.

Finally, one of the Steelers’ two Super Bowl victories against the Dallas Cowboys will go to the Cowboys, since the league needs to provide hope in the face of adversity and stability in the face of uncertainty. “This may be a heavy burden for the Steelers and their fans, but working together, we can all become prosperous once again” says Obama.

Speaking directly to Pittsburgh fans, Obama outlined a similar plan meant to address the growing inequity in baseball victories. Obama has met with MLB commissioner Bud Selig and decided that the New York Yankees will redistribute two of their World Series trophies to the Pittsburgh Pirates to supplement their 16 straight losing seasons. This plan will help stimulate the Pirates and enable them to regain the American MLB Dream of winning a pennant, a championship, and ultimately the World Series.

Obama will also be meeting with the NHL Hockey commissioner and Olympic champion Michael Phelps—who has won 14 gold medals—in the coming weeks to discuss the need for “fairness” in both the National Hockey League and the Olympics. Establishing a society that is “fair” in every aspect of life is high on Obama’s agenda for “Hope and Change.”